Broken Family, Broken Clary
by MortalKd1997
Summary: Clary's family is going through a tough time, her father died, her mom hasn't been the same since, her brother and her best friend hardly talk to her now that they are together. The only thing she has is her music and sometimes its not enough. Everyone thinks she is fine but she's definitely not, she's broken and there's no one there to help her, Not yet anyway...
1. Chapter 1: I'm not fine, I'm barely copi

**I know I should be writing Lost but Not So Much Alone, but I had this idea and I had to write it so you know read it and review it! Haha**

**Also I always for to write this with my chapters but I do not own the mortal instruments or any of its characters they all belong to Cassandra Clare blah you know it, I know it, we all know it and it's really sad. :-(**

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Chapter 1: I'm not fine, I'm barely coping

After my father died I guess you could say things were different. My mother was broken, she hardly spoke and when she did it was telling my brother and I that dinner was ready, that she was going back to bed or that she was going out to her art studio. It had been 5 months and nothing was changing. My brother had got into a strong relationship with my best friend Izzy, they were so in love with each other and I didn't mind sharing my best friend with Jon, he deserved to have someone there for him. I on the other hand decided that I didn't need anyone or anything with the exception of my dear music. Music was my escape, the only thing that really kept me stable. Luke –my father- was a very talented musician, I got all my talent from him and maybe a bit more, he taught me everything I know. Anyways, when things got a little too hard for me or when things didn't go the way I planned I would go out to my backyard and follow the track that leads from right at the very back fence to a bright green clearing with a big apple tree next to a big pond in the middle of the woods, it was beautiful. If I wasn't out there playing music I was probably out there painting, a trait I got from my mother.

So this is where I sit now, on a green grassy patch underneath the giant apple tree, thinking about how my life has changed, how it became so hard to just wake up every day and how I have to be the strong one in the family, the one to take care of everyone else, but there's no one here to take care of me.

It's a beautiful day in new York, the sky is a clear blue and the sun is piercing through the woods, Its lonely out here, I miss when Jonathon used to come out here with me and we would sing songs until it got dark. I miss when the whole family came out here when dad was still alive and we would swim in the pond and have picnics. I miss me and Izzy being so much closer than what we are now. I miss my mother talking to me. I miss everything. I hate what my life has become. I just want someone to notice me, someone to help me cope. Everyone just thinks I'm fine.

I am most definitely not.

I reach for my guitar before I can get lost in my emotions and I begin to strum letting my fingers choose the song for me.

_When I was younger  
I told my mother  
"I say, one day I'm gonna make you proud"_

_Now that I'm older  
it's so much harder  
to say those words out loud_

It's weird how I can do that, pick a song without knowing and have it describe exactly how I feel.

_You're growing taller  
a little smarter  
and one day you're gonna leave home  
oh, will you look like your mothers father  
oh, when your fully grown?_

_Ooh ooh oh oh oh oho ho…_

_When I was younger, I asked my father  
"why are we so human?"  
Now that I'm older  
I think I figured it out  
were just doing what we can_

_Oh ooh oh oh…_

_Because I won't  
I won't let you down  
I won't let you  
I won't let you down, oh now  
I won't, I won't let you down  
I won't let you, I won't let you, I won't, I won't let you down_

_When I was younger, I told my mother  
"I say, one day I'm gonna make you proud"_

I put my guitar on the ground beside me and lie on my back with my long crimson hair acting as a pillow and I look up at the sky biting back tears as my pain gets the better of me.

* * *

I have no idea how long I just lied under that tree, but it was dark when I got home. You'd think that if your daughter or sister was nowhere to be found for hours and turns up about 7:00 well you'd think you'd be worried would you? Well no of course not, not with my family anyway. I walk in through the back door and stroll into the kitchen with my guitar strapped to my back and find a plate with my name on it, literally,

_Clary,  
Went to bed early, here's your dinner, just heat it up in the microwave.  
Love Mom, xx_

I scoff and leave the plate on the table, really not feeling hungry. I walk into the living room and see that the TV is already occupied. Jonathon and Izzy lay on the couch, snuggled up 'watching the TV' if that's what you call shoving your tongue down each other's throat.

"Really guys? Really?" I say as I grab the remote of the coffee table and sit on another lounge next theirs, sitting my guitar beside me. I start flicking through channels, "Clary! What the hell!" Jonathon yells and Izzy just laughs, "Hey it's my house to," I find a channel that's playing an old movie called Blue Lagoon and leave it on that, I glance over at my brother and best friend; they are now sitting up, my brother glaring at me with his dark eyes and Izzy who has a big grin on her face. "Well this room was occupied," Jonathon says without removing his glare. "And if you don't mind leaving that'd be great." Izzy smacks Jon on the shoulder, "leave her alone, we can just go to your room," I fake a gag and get up from my seat, "Whatever, do what you want. Hey to you to Iz." I sigh, grab my guitar and walk out seeing Izzy's confused face on the way, I just shake my head. I don't feel ready for my bed just yet so I walk out the front door and onto the street instead, I walk to my father's old music studio and use the hidden key to unlock the door, I turn on all the lights and walk into the first studio, sitting my guitar down carefully, turning the microphone and all the technical stuff on pressing play on the music I want to sing. I walk to the microphone, putting the headphones on and sing my heart out. Song after song.

_Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry  
You don't know how lovely you are  
I had to find you, tell you I need you  
Tell you I'll set you apart_

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions  
Oh let's go back to the start  
Running in circles, coming in tails  
Heads on a science apart

Every song I play has some sort of meaning. Sometimes I can never place them, but I can still feel it. Still feel the pain that eases slightly when I sing.

_Nobody said it was easy  
It's such a shame for us to part  
Nobody said it was easy  
No one ever said it would be this hard  
Oh, take me back to the start._

I was just guessing at numbers and figures  
Pulling your puzzles apart  
Questions of science, science and progress  
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me  
Oh and I rush to the start  
Running in circles, chasing our tails  
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy  
Oh it's such a shame for us to part  
Nobody said it was easy  
No one ever said it would be so hard  
I'm going back to the start

Ooooohhhhhhh

After the fifth song I feel like I should go home, but when I think about it, no one really cares right? They don't care when I come home, so there's no point. So I stay and sing another.

_Sunlight comes creeping in  
Illuminates our skin  
We watch the day go by  
Stories of all we did  
It made me think of you  
It made me think of you_

Under a trillion stars  
We danced on top of cars  
Took pictures of the stage  
So far from where we are  
They made me think of you  
They made me think of you

I sing this song like I've never sung any other. All of my feelings have been bottled up for so long I just feel like I'm slipping, I feel as though if I don't sing as strongly as I can, ill fall, I'll break and I really just don't think I'll find my way back. Not by myself anyway.

_Oh lights go down  
In the moment we're lost and found  
I just wanna be by your side  
If these wings could fly  
Oh damn these walls  
In the moment we're ten feet tall  
And how you told me after it all  
We'd remember tonight  
For the rest of our lives_

I'm in a foreign state  
My thoughts they slip away  
My words are leaving me  
They caught an aero plane  
Because I thought of you  
Just from the thought of you

Oh lights go down  
In the moment we're lost and found  
I just wanna be by your side  
If these wings could fly  
Oh damn these walls  
In the moment we're ten feet tall  
And how you told me after it all  
We'd remember tonight  
For the rest of our lives

If these wings could fly

_Oh lights go down  
In the moment we're lost and found  
I just wanna be by your side  
If these wings could fly  
Oh damn these walls  
In the moment we're ten feet tall  
And how you told me after it all  
We'd remember tonight  
For the rest of our lives_

I stand still for a moment after I finish the song, not opening my eyes. Trying to stop myself from falling apart. When I look up I see a speck of gold, not a speck, a person, a male. A very attractive male that glows. I stare at him unsure of what he's doing, knowing I should probably be asking what the hell he's doing in here, but his eyes are on mine and mine on his, and it feels like I can't even move. Like I'm stuck to my spot. Even his eyes are golden, his golden eyes on my emerald ones. Who is this guy?

My eyes begin stinging making me blink and with that he's gone. Did I just imagine that or was that real? I run out to the street and see nothing.

No body.

What the hell?

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**Okay so this is just really rough and I don't know if I like it at all yet, so I just want to see what you guys think. I have the whole story mapped out as well. So yeah haha anyways, review! oh and the movie Blue Lagoon haha its actually good, I was watched the other day haha**

**The songs in this are not mine – I don't own them blah blah blah - really hate doing these things -**  
**In order from the story:**  
**1. When I was younger - Liz Lawrence**  
**2. Scientist – Coldplay**  
**3. Wings - Birdy**


	2. Chapter 2: With nothing and no one

**Okay so here is chapter 2, I've written like the next few chapters but I'll probably update every Friday after today so woo! Oh and to all the people messaging me about my other fic, I have not ditched it! I have a chapter being written right this very second! Haha well tell me what you think about this okay! REVIEW – oh and I've seen catching fire 3 times already and it was freaking amazing and I seriously cried it was that good. Haha anyways, READ! And review okay do it, you know you want to, oh and I always forget but I don't own TMI or any of its characters. **

**Oh and the songs are vanilla twilight by owl city and story of my life by one direction, no I'm not a directioner okay, I just thought the song suited the chapter :-)**

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Chapter 2: With nothing and no one

I got home from the studio at about 2 in the morning, I walked into the house slamming the door shut behind me and walking straight to my room, not caring how much noise I made. I collapsed in my bed and fell asleep listening to Coldplay on my iPod.

I woke to the sound of my alarm clock, hitting the snooze button as hard as could. I looked up at the clock that said 6:30.

Ugh, Great. School.

I actually couldn't think of anything worse. It was actually hell. I couldn't stand high school anymore, it was filled with unnecessary drama, stupid skanks fighting over jerks, people too scared to be who they really are and pretending to be something 'cool' so they can be popular. It makes me want to puke just thinking that 5 months ago, it was one of my favourite things. I was a cheerleader, me and Izzy 'ruled the school' and we had boys chasing us.

But then 3 things happened; Izzy started dating my brother, my dad died and I realised how pathetic my life was.

Seriously, what was the point in all that stuff? Where did it get me? Nowhere.

I had no meaning. My life had no purpose. I realised that there was so much to life than prom, so much more to experience, to live.

And here I was complaining about stupid pathetic things like clothes and boys when I could be out there making a difference.

But no I'm stuck where I am, with nothing and no one.

After having a quick shower I get ready quickly, throwing on some blue denim high-waisted shorts with a tight black tee that hugged my curves in all the right places, and to finish of the outfit I put on a light blue denim vest and my black converse high tops. I put on a light amount of makeup and left my hair down, leaving the fiery curls to untangle themselves. With my hippie style shoulder bag, filled with books and my sketch pad and my phone in my pocket, I walked down the stairs leading to a day of hell – gloomy as hell, I know, but at the moment, it fits perfectly.

I sat my things down on the kitchen ground as I grabbed some toast that was already made and sat down at the kitchen table, Jonathon coming down the stairs the same my mother walked in from outside.

"Morning guys," mom says in a sweet but forced voice, walking in with mail and packing our lunches. "Morning, mom." Jon says with a small smile sitting down across from me with a bowl of cereal, toast and some bacon. "Morning," I put on a fake smile. "Do you want a lift?" Jon asks me, digging into his bacon. "Yeah if you don't mind," I say, finishing of my toast and taking my plate to the sink. "Yeah, no problem." He says finishing up his meal, how he ate all that so fast is way beyond me. "Ready?" he asks me as I pick up my bag, "not really," I muttered, "huh?" Jon gives me a confused look, "I said yeah, let's go." "Bye mom, we both say in unison as we walk out the door.

Ugh here we go.

* * *

I get out of the car and walk with Jon into school. We spot Simon first, one of Jon's best buddies from football. He has sandy brown hair and pretty brown eyes to go with it, there covered with contacts instead of glasses today. We dated once until I caught him cheating on me with one of my closest friends Aline at some party.

Eh I was over it.

"Hey Jon," he smiles, and nods at me "Clary." I force yet another smile for the day, "Hey Si." Jon and Simon start talking about something about football when we see Izzy looking stunning as ever with her jet black hair falling over her back like a sheet, her 6 inch stilettos and her tight blue and black dress that's so short it would look gross and slutty on other girls but it makes Izzy look beautiful. She walks in with her brother Alec, who looks exactly the same but instead of Izzy's dark eyes he has piercing blue eyes, he is also on the football team and is also good friends with Jon.

Jon embraces Izzy in a tight hug and a kiss, being cut short by mine and Alec's gaging sounds, "Dude what would you do if I started making out with Clary?" I looked at him confused, Jon stares at Alec, "I'd punch you in the face," he says in a joking way, "Exactly, now please, keep your hands of my sister while I'm around," Jon laughs and let's go of Izzy but quickly grabs her hand and we all walk into school together, I zone out of the conversation, putting my ear phones in and put my iPod on shuffle.

I say goodbye to everyone after the first warning bell rings and I walk towards my locker to put away my books and to get all my art gear ready for first period, as I go to shut my door and walk towards my homeroom, I don't notice where I'm going and knock into something, someone, gold.

I drop all my books and nearly fall flat on my butt but I'm stopped by two strong arms around my waist. I land back on my feet and look up at the guy who is still holding me. "Uh sorry about that," I apologise and he smiles, "No problem, I get it all the time," I give him a confused look, "Get what all the time?" he smirks, "Girls running into me, being 'clumsy'." Making air quotes as he says clumsy, "I mean what's not to like?" he gestures and looks at his body and then back up to my face, I scoff "Wow, you're not at all cocky are you?" he just winks at me and smirks, "Do you mind?" I gesture to his hands and try pushing away his hands, "Sorry darl, thought that's what you wanted," I bend down to pick up my books and then stand back up, "You couldn't be more wrong." And with that I walk off to homeroom. Finding my seat and thinking about why that golden face looks so familiar.

* * *

School went by quickly, I got through the first few periods pretty easily, sitting next to Izzy who had every class with me except music, and every class we would have the same conversations about nothing important and her relationship with Jon. It was maths, just before lunch when she had decided to talk about her and my brother's sex life, just what I wanted to know about.

"So what do you think?" Izzy asked when she took me from my thoughts, "Sorry, what?" I said, looking up from my page that was now covered in small drawings of patterns and swirls, "Were you even listening to me?" she looked at me with annoyed eyes, "Uh no, not really." I say with complete honesty. "Well I was just asking you if you think me and Jon are ready." "Um yeah, sorry Iz but I don't really want to know about my brother's sex life," I see her annoyed look and ask, "Uh why don't you just ask him?" I reply, finishing of my drawings. She sighs, "Ugh what's up with you lately? You never seem interested in anything I have to say." She looks down at her work, making sure not to make eye-contact with me. I can see how hurt she is, see how she's making the effort I'm not. But then I realise, I've been making the effort for the last 5 months and she's the one that never has time for me anymore, never really talks to me apart from about Jon, She never sees how much pain I'm in. We're supposed to be best friends. Not just me supporting her and getting nothing in return.

"Uh sorry I guess, I'm just not in the mood for anything right now, I just feel like this whole place is a waste of time." The words slip out of my mouth before I can stop them. "What do you mean?" she asks and gives me a confused look. "I just mean there's so much more out there, and we're stuck in this stupid school, with stupid people and me, well I'm just sick of it all, I dunno Izzy, I'm just over thinking a lot of things." I sigh and look up at her, her look still confused, "Don't worry about it, I'm okay." I say, sighing, knowing she doesn't understand. "Good." she says without a second thought and packs up her stuff as the bell rings for lunch, I sigh and we walk to our lockers together, "You coming to lunch?" she asks me, "Probably not, might go finish of some of my music project, I'll see you in English lit?" I smile and grab my music folder out of my locker, "You know it, see ya!" she smiles and walks towards the cafeteria. I walk to the only place in the school where I can lose myself, where I can feel normal, where I can let out all of my feelings.

I grab a guitar from the music room and sit by the small stage, pulling out my music book. I quickly choose a song. One of my favourites. I give the guitar a quick tune and begin to strum.

The stars lean down to kiss you  
And I lie awake and miss you  
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere  
'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly  
But I'll miss your arms around me  
I'd send a postcard to you, dear  
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light blue  
But it's not the same without you  
Because it takes two to whisper quietly  
The silence isn't so bad  
'Till I look at my hands and feel sad  
'Cause the spaces between my fingers  
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways  
Though I haven't slept in two days  
'Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone  
But drenched in vanilla twilight  
I'll sit on the front porch all night  
Waist deep in thought because when  
I think of you I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone  
I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink  
I'll think of you tonight  
Tonight, tonight, tonight...

I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter  
And heavy wings grow lighter  
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again  
And I'll forget the world that I knew  
But I swear I won't forget you  
Oh if my voice could reach back through the past  
I'd whisper in your ear:  
"Oh darling, I wish you were here"

Every single lyric means something to me.

I miss my dad so much.

He was my hero, my everything. He brightened my darkest days and taught me so many things. He was the bravest, strongest man I have ever met and now he's gone and I'm by myself. I don't know what to do. I'm so broken.

Written in these walls are the stories that I can't explain  
I leave my heart open but it stays right here empty for days  
She told me in the morning she don't feel the same about us in her bones  
Seems to me that when I die these words will be written on my stone

And I'll be gone, gone tonight  
The ground beneath my feet is open wide  
The way that I've been holding on too tight  
With nothing in between

The story of my life  
I take her home  
I drive all night to keep her warm  
And time... is  
The story of my life  
I give her hope  
I spend her love  
Until she's broke  
Inside  
The story of my life

Written on these walls are the colors that I can't change  
Leave my heart open but it stays right here in its cage  
I know that in the morning now I see us in the light upon a hill  
Although I am broken, my heart is untamed, still

And I'll be gone, gone tonight  
The fire beneath my feet is burning bright  
The way that I've been holding on so tight  
With nothing in between

The story of my life  
I take her home  
I drive all night to keep her warm  
And time... is frozen  
The story of my life  
I give her hope  
I spend her love  
Until she's broke  
Inside  
The story of my life

And I'll be waiting for this time to come around  
But baby running after you is like chasing the clouds

The story of my life  
I take her home  
I drive all night to keep her warm  
And time is frozen  
The story of my life  
I give her hope  
I spend her love  
Until she's broke  
Inside

The story of my life  
The story of my life  
The story of my life  
The story of my life

As soon as the song finishes the bell rings and I get up, pack all of my things and begin to walk back to my next class before deciding against it and changing my direction to the front of the school, passing my locker on the way and getting all the things I need, then I begin to walk, heading nowhere in particular, just walk.

I'm halfway to the front of the school when I hear my name being called.

"Clary?" it's a boy's voice and I really couldn't be bothered to explain anything so I keep on walking. "Clary!" I turn around annoyed, trying to get this person to leave but when I turn I realize who it is, Jonathon.

"What the hell are you doing?" Jon asks me, trying to be all parental. "What does it look like I'm doing?" I say, my voice full of sarcasm. "Are you seriously ditching? Why?" "Jesus, does it matter? I'm just sick of school okay, I'm leaving." I'm beyond pissed off. I really just don't care anymore. I need to get out of this place. "Why are you sick of it?" "Oh my god Jonathon! Just leave me alone!" I begin to storm of but before I can get anywhere his hand grabs my arm and whips me back around, "Clary, what's wrong?" if he wasn't the jerk he now was I would have talked to him, told him everything. But he wasn't anymore, I couldn't tell him anything. "Everything's wrong Jonathon and you couldn't care less so just leave me the hell alone!" I was angry, sad, annoyed, depressed. I was any bad feeling you could probably think of. I pull my arm out of his grasp and begin to run, and I don't stop running until I see him.

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**soz about the cliffy hehehe REVIEWREVIEWWWWWWWWW **


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